Raw
by wolvesjr34
Summary: The logical Maura Isles acts on impulse and the consequences lead to an emotionally raw confrontation with Jane. I do not own these characters, they belong to Tess Gerritson and TNT.


**A/N: Hi there, just a quick one shot I wrote inspired by another story I was reading on here by Blytheconner1 entitled Fall For You. They were happy for me to share this.**

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 **RAW**

Doctor Maura Isles was a rational, logical, scientific woman. There were a lot of nuances in life she didn't quite grasp, but she knew a lot about human behaviour and as such she thought that she understood Jane Rizzoli in a way that many others couldn't.

That was, until eight weeks prior.

Empirically speaking, all the signs had been there and tired of waiting for Jane to come to her senses she had made the first move. For several glorious minutes between their lips meeting for the first time, their tongues entwining in a delicate exploratory dance and the look of absolute awe in Jane's eyes, she was certain in her understanding of the detective.

What she hadn't seen coming was the absolute look of terror in Jane's eyes when their first kiss fanned the embers of a greater desire. Buttons had been popped and a blouse had been torn. Hands had wandered, grabbing insatiably at wanton flesh, until suddenly they weren't.

In her entire life Maura had never seen someone's emotional state flip so dramatically and the look of terror in Jane's eyes as she had clumsily withdrawn from a situation that had been quickly getting out of control had hurt Maura deeply. There had been nothing she could do but watch in horror as Jane grabbed her shirt, now devoid of most buttons and made a hasty retreat. The slamming of the door only served as a big fat exclamation point on the realisation that she had been oh so very wrong.

She didn't understand Jane Rizzoli at all.

Recognising her apparent misinterpretation of the available data had left Maura feeling vulnerable and fearful that she may have inadvertently destroyed the most important relationship in her life. The usually calm, rational scientist was wrought with guilt and petrified she had just pushed her best friend away with an advance that Jane was clearly not ready to deal with.

She wanted nothing more than to apologise profusely in the hopes they could go back to the way things were before she had kissed the raven haired detective, but she dare not contact Jane. She couldn't begin to fathom any possible way with which that conversation could go well, and so she didn't do anything.

The weekend passed with no contact and it was with great reluctance that Maura had pushed past her fears and headed into work. There was no guarantee that she would even see Jane, not unless there was a fresh homicide they both happened to be assigned to and she definitely didn't want the first time they saw one another after everything that had happened, to be over a dead body, surrounded by colleagues.

It was with that in mind she had braced herself and rode the elevator up to the homicide bullpen first thing Monday morning. She found Jane and Frost at their desks joking about and they had both greeted her normally. Jane had been civil, bordering on friendly but it soon became quite apparent that Jane was doing what she did best with difficult to deal with emotions. Their kiss, the fact that Jane had momentarily wanted it as much as she had, and the subsequent retreat had clearly been shoved in a box and locked deep down in a place where she wasn't going to be able to reach it.

In essence Jane was pretending it hadn't happened.

It was then Maura realised, that what she had thought would be their best case scenario after Friday's fiasco was in fact the worst thing that could happen. Doctor Maura Isles no longer felt rational, logical or scientific. She had politely excused herself and left the bullpen. She rode the elevator down to the lobby, where she would need to switch elevators to head to the morgue, when she made an impulsive decision to skip out on her responsibilities. She couldn't stand to be in the same building with Jane Rizzoli for another moment.

It was that split second decision, which would lead to several further poor decisions that had led to a moment that absolutely terrified Maura.

Her chain of illogical and emotionally fuelled decisions following her exit that fateful morning left her on the precipice of everything she hoped for falling apart.

The familiar pace of her friendship with Jane, which had quickly returned, once Maura had swallowed her own feelings regarding Jane's decision to pretend their kiss had never happened was no doubt in jeopardy, because regardless of what she thought she knew, and what she had seen, Jane was going to over react.

After all, the empirical evidence was very clear in that regard. Jane Rizzoli had a tendency to over react in emotionally charged situations. It was her nature.

"So, you wanna tell me what's goin' on?" Jane asked drawing Maura out of her reverie.

"Honestly, no." Maura replied bluntly, because she didn't. She happened to not have much choice in the matter, as sooner or later it would become painfully obvious and the longer she waited the worse the reaction would be. "However I have come to realise that there is no getting around this, and that I do indeed have to tell you."

Jane took a sip from the beer she had been offered when she arrived at Maura's and narrowed her eyes, staring at Maura with intense scrutiny. Somewhere deep down in the recesses of her mind an alarm started to go off, but she ignored it. She was concerned that Maura felt like she couldn't or shouldn't talk to her about something. Regardless the something, well, with the exception of the one something she had worked incredibly hard to forget, Maura could talk to her about anything.

"Hey," Jane said softly, her eyes softening, "You can talk to me."

There was no point delaying the inevitable. Looking directly into searching brown eyes Maura said, "I'm pregnant."

Jane's eyes felt like they were going to pop out of her head in surprise. She had not seen that coming. Maura hadn't been seeing anyone, at least that she knew of. An intense pang of emotional pain manifested physically, as she started feeling sick to her stomach. That box that she had so painstakingly packed away and buried deep in her mind so that she could maintain her friendship with Maura was threatening to burst open.

Jane swallowed thickly, unsure of how she was supposed to react but pretty sure it was not with the violent jealousy that was threatening to bubble to the surface. She took several deep mouthfuls of beer before nodding slowly and offering up an, "Okay."

Maura had been sure to keep the kitchen island between them when delivering the news, but wanted nothing more than to round the bench top and take Jane by the hands in an attempt to quell the tumultuous emotions she could see gathering in her eyes. However she suspected that would not have gone over well. The entire situation was almost comical, if not for the very real possibility that it would create a permanent rift in their whatever-it-was, because quite frankly it was more than friendship, even if Jane had refused to acknowledge that. Because if they were just friends, she wouldn't have been waiting for the fireworks that she knew were coming.

"Jane…"

The detective put up a hand. "Don't," she said coolly. "How far along?"

"Eight weeks." Maura waited for Jane to do the math with more than a little trepidation.

The pain in her gut only worsened and Jane had to put down the beer bottle. It took all the restraint she had to simply place it on the kitchen island, rather than to hurl it angrily at the wall. "So about the time…" she motioned her hand between them, "We..."

"Jane, please…"

"No!" The little box sprung open and hot tears bit at the corner of her eyes. Jane shook her head and backed away slowly, "I can't hear this right now."

"Let me explain," Maura begged knowing that she couldn't let Jane leave like that. She quickly rounded the island and reached out for Jane, only to be rebuffed.

Jane wiped angrily at her eyes for betraying her so blatantly and shook her head, continuing to back away towards the front door. There was one thing she needed to know. Looking up into teary hazel eyes she asked, "Before or after?" Not really sure if either answer would satisfy her curiosity.

Maura reached out once more, desperate to hold onto Jane. Tears streaked down her face, "After, but Jane…"

"NO!" Jane bellowed angrily, pulling away from Maura. Her heart ached at what felt like the deepest betrayal. There was no room for logically analysing the situation or for accepting that she hadn't exactly given Maura anything good to work with. Just red hot raw betrayal. "Clearly what we shared meant nothing to you." She spat bitterly.

Maura knew that Jane had no right to speak to her that way or to feel hurt by what had happened, because it was Jane that had run from the situation. But then again Maura realised that she did know Jane Rizzoli and this reaction was the only acknowledgement Jane could give that she hurt, that she cared, that she subsequently felt betrayed.

"No Jane," she said forcefully. "You can't even begin to comprehend how much that moment meant to me. But you ran away Jane. You acted like it never happened."

"And what did you do huh?" Jane growled, still unable to reign in her emotions. "Went and shagged some guy because I didn't react the way you wanted me to?"

Maura sighed. "You hurt me Jane and yes I was angry with you for just dismissing me the way you did and yes, I made subsequent questionable decisions… but I'm here Jane. I didn't go anywhere."

"So what do you want huh?" Jane questioned bitterly. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

Maura exhaled deeply. She wasn't sure she knew how to calm Jane down. The woman had clearly stepped into an emotional mine field of her own creation and only she would be able to navigate her way out safely. Maura had to be careful not to become collateral damage in the process. Resigned to the fact that may be unavoidable she said, "Nothing, Jane. You are not _supposed_ to do anything with it. You wanted to know what had been bothering me, and now I have informed you."

At that moment the side door into the kitchen opened and an unknowing Angela Rizzoli walked in with a bag of vegetables ready to begin preparations for dinner. She stopped in her tracks however when she saw the tears on both women's faces. "Oh my God, what's happened?" She gasped, expecting some horrible news.

"Not now Ma," Jane growled, shooting a pointed look in her mother's direction.

"Now is not a good time, Angela." Maura offered politely, walking over towards Angela to help guide her back from whence she came.

Angela looked more closely at Maura and then her daughter before her face darkened and she pointed at her daughter accusingly. "What did you do?"

"Angela, please." Maura said softly, more than aware of the vein popping in Jane's forehead at the fact her own mother had instantly assumed it was she to blame for their current state of being. "Jane and I have a few things to sort out, but there is nobody to blame."

"Like hell there isn't," Jane scoffed before realising that her attitude was not going to get Angela out of the house any faster. "Christ Ma, just let us deal with this!"

Reluctantly, and with a mind to wash her daughter's mouth out with soap, Angela allowed Maura to escort her out of the house. Clearly whatever was going on was serious. She just hoped her daughter hadn't done irreparable damage to her friendship with Maura.

Maura closed and locked the door behind Angela and took a moment to gather her thoughts. Her heart pounded violently and her stomach churned. They were on the precipice of not being able to find their way back and it hurt her beyond words.

Jane watched Maura usher her mother out and watched as Maura leaned against the door, with her back still turned. Her body convulsed, under what Jane recognised as sobs that her friend was trying to contain. It broke her heart to see Maura so broken and she wanted nothing more than to sweep the blonde up into her arms and hold her until the pain went away, but that wasn't going to help them.

She wasn't sure she could make the pain go away. The haze of her emotional rage was subsiding and in it's place a cold understanding. They were in this situation because she had run from intense feelings that had threatened to overwhelm her. She choked back a fresh wave of tears and ran a hand through her hair. "God, she isn't wrong, you know."

Maura turned at the sound of the resignation in her best friend's voice. "I'm sorry?"

"It's my fault." Jane admitted sadly. She locked eyes with Maura and said, "It's always my fault."

"Jane, no…" Maura crossed the room and pulled her friend into a fierce hug. "You weren't ready," she admitted, her face buried against Jane's shoulder. "I put the pressure on us when I kissed you."

Jane wrapped her arms tightly around Maura. She swallowed down the emotion attempting to overwhelm her once more. She had never known a feeling as intense as the feelings that had been building inside her over the years for her best friend. They absolutely terrified her, because she knew that they were going to change her forever and she hadn't been sure she was ready for all that entailed. Now they stood wrapped tightly around one another, tears streaming down their faces, hearts hurting and they didn't need to be.

"Forgive me," she whispered, partially to Maura, partially to herself and partially to the God she wasn't so sure would approve of the way she felt. She pressed several soft kisses into Maura's honey blonde hair and repeated a little more loudly, "Forgive me."

Maura pulled back to arms length and smiled softly, still uncertain of what their future held, but certain that as long as Jane was honest with her she would always find forgiveness. She reached out and wiped a tear from Jane's cheek, "Always, Jane."

Jane brought her own hand up to cover Maura's and keep it pinned against her cheek. "I don't deserve you," She offered sadly before turning into Maura's hand and kissing her palm softly.

Maura's eyes closed at the sensation of those lips on her palm. "Jane," she uttered softly. Opening her eyes she gently pulled her hand away and smiled sadly, "We have to talk."

Jane nodded. They had a lot they had to discuss but she had a sneaking suspicion she knew what Maura needed her to know, besides the obvious of course. "You want to keep the baby."

"Yes," Maura responded softly, a little nervous about where it would leave them. She had thought about it a lot and as much as she loved Jane, she couldn't give up the child. Not that she honestly thought that Jane would want that, but she knew it might become a deal breaker if and when Jane ever accepted her feelings.

"What about me?" Jane asked quietly.

"What about you?" Maura asked, initially confused by what Jane meant.

Jane smiled a little, recognising that she had been slightly obtuse given the circumstances. "Do you want to keep me?"

"You're not mine to…" Maura attempted to respond, but paused when Jane brought a finger to her lips in an attempt to shush her.

"I'm yours." Jane admitted, "I've been yours for the longest time."

"Jane…."

"Ssshh," Jane whispered before leaning down to capture Maura's lips with her own.

They kissed until they needed oxygen and Maura pulled back to arm's length once more. "Jane, you need to know…"

Jane pressed her index finger against Maura's lips once more and joked, "Don't say it. Ma will be in here planning our wedding."

Maura quirked an eyebrow and chuckled softly. "Oh Jane," She exhaled, the tension dissipating from her body. "It's already planned and paid for."

Jane's eyes bugged out of her head before she caught the sneaky grin on Maura's face, which caused her to break out in a full belly laugh. She knew there would be struggles ahead, and she knew that she wasn't always going to deal, but she knew that she wasn't going to run away again. She couldn't. Maura deserved so much more than that. "I need to you to know Maur, that no matter how hard it gets… no matter how much I struggle sometimes, I'm not leaving this time. I can't deny the truth any longer." She took a deep breath, "I love you Maura."

Maura placed a soft kiss on Jane's lips before responding, "I love you too."

Doctor Maura Isles was a rational, logical, scientific woman and Jane Rizzoli was not, but that was okay. Because in the end, despite occasional evidence suggesting otherwise, Maura Isles knew Jane Rizzoli all too well.

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 **A/N: Thank you for reading. I know I still have many unfinished stories and I will finish them, I just can't push the issue because it won't get me anywhere productive, thank you for your patience.**


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